Ego Battles
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: Arrogant characters from four anime series have joined together to battle for the title of World's Most Arrogant Fighter! Read to see who wins!
1. Welcome to the Ego Battles

"Welcome to the first, and probably last, annual Ego Battle!!! I'll be your announcer for the competition, unless I somehow get injured! My name is Yusuke Urameshi! Let's introduce some of this year's players!" Yusuke was standing in a large boxing ring in a huge, high-ceiling arena. He was wearing a suit and dark sunglasses, and looked very professional. He jumped over the ropes and landed on the floor outside the ring. He started through the crowds of people, towards the competitors' divided-off waiting room. He walked inside and he sees that there is only six people left.  
  
"Where is everyone?" Yusuke asked, walking over to where Kuwabara and Hiei were standing.  
  
"They got scared when Legato started screwing with people's limbs... They pissed him off pretty bad so he broke some arms and they ran away crying to their mommies. Literally," Kuwabara said.  
  
"Oh... Well then I guess the battles will be a good bit shorter than we had expected them to be... Oh well, it'll still be good. We got left with the best four. Plus Kuwabara and Domon," Yusuke said.  
  
"HEY! WHY AREN'T I IN THE TOP FOUR!?" Kuwabara yelled.  
  
"Simple. You suck," Hiei said coldly.  
  
"HEY, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH, HALF-PINT!!!" Kuwabara screamed, spitting all over Hiei in the process. Hiei got an extremely disgusting look on his face and took the hankerchief that Yusuke offered to wipe the spit off.  
  
"Well," Yusuke said, turning back to the camera, "it seems we only have six competitors left. Let's go to the first battle! Would Hajime Saito and Kazuma Kuwabara please report to the ring!"  
  
Yusuke walked out of the waiting room, followed by Kuwabara, Botan, who was acting as a sort of coach to Kuwabara, and Saito with his coach Kenshin. They had gotten only halfway to the ring when Yusuke spotted a girl leaning against the ring. He walked forward to tell her that nobody was allowed that close, but when he was a few feet away he recognized the girl as Starshadow Jaganshi (she had stolen Hiei's last name when they first met and she had needed a last name). She was a little shorter than Kurama, with long black hair, always pulled back in a ponytail, and a strange zig-zag silver stripe on the top-right side of her head. She was wearing all black, but that just made her bright blood-red eyes stand out even more.  
  
"Shadow, sorry, but unless you're the announcer, a competitor, or a coach, you can't be here. Take a hike," Yusuke said.  
  
"I'm your co-announcer! Nobody told you?" Shadow said, pulling a microphone out of her pocket and waving it in front of Yusuke's face.  
  
"You--- Damn," Yusuke muttered.  
  
"Who is this girl, Urameshi?" Saito asked.  
  
"She's a friend of... Hiei's," Yusuke said. He didn't call her a friend of his because she was a very annoying person and she annoyed him a lot and he didn't like having annoying friends. Of course, that excluded Kuwabara.  
  
"Shadow, take a hike! I gotta beat this guy to a pulp! Go hang out with your stupid demon boyfriends!" Kuwabara said, pointing back toward the waiting room.  
  
"They aren't stupid and they AREN'T my boyfriends," Shadow snapped, but she did walk back toward the waiting room.  
  
"Okay, you people out there in the audience have waited long enough! The first match of the Ego Battles will see Kazuma Kuwabara facing off against Hajime Saito! You guys know the rules, right? Good, then let's go! Begin your insults!" Yusuke said happily, jumping out of the ring. He walked around to where a huge stereo system was hooked up and he pressed play. A second later, death metal music blasted so loud he fell over backwards.  
  
"Don't kill him," Kenshin said as Saito walked toward Kuwabara.  
  
"Right..."  
  
"Kuwabara, good luck continuing your horrible losing streak!" Botan said cheerfully as Kuwabara started towards the center of the ring.  
  
"WHAT? HEY, THAT'S NOT NICE!!!" Kuwabara said, momentarily distracted and giving Saito the privledge of first insult.  
  
"Hey you stupid kid, are you gonna fight with your coach or me?" Saito asked.  
  
"Yeah, well at least my coach looks like her gender is supposed to," Kuwabara said.  
  
"That's not an insult to me, you dumb bubblehead! That's an insult to Kenshin! You're too stupid to comprehend who you're supposed to insult!"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Make me!"  
  
"You want me to, you stupid police officer?"  
  
"I'd like to see you try, you ugly kid!"  
  
"Right, and you're not ugly?"  
  
"No!! I'm married!!"  
  
"I've got a girlfriend!"  
  
"So what?!"  
  
"So once we're old enough we'll be married too!!!"  
  
"That doesn't change the fact that you're ugly! Maybe she's got bad taste in guys, you stupid boy!!!"  
  
"Hey, no insulting Yukina!"  
  
"I wasn't insulting Yukina, I was saying maybe she's got bad taste in boys meaning that if she's got bad taste in boys and she likes you, then you're lousy and ugly and smelly and stupid and fat and worthless and the list goes on and on!"  
  
"I AM NOT!!!" Kuwabara screamed, starting to get an aura. "BEHOLD MY POWER!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"  
  
"Right. I've killed over one hundred people. I bet you've never killed even one person," Saito said.  
  
"OH, THAT'S IT!!!" Kuwabara charged, forming his spirit sword as he ran. Saito blinked, unimpressed with his speed. What speed?  
  
"Wow, after an insulting round of insults, Kuwabara is the first to charge!!! Saito isn't even moving! Kuwabara's so slow it looks like he's barely moving! And there's one question that isn't in everyone's mind: who will win? I say it's not in everyone's mind because it's obvious-- AGH!!! That had to hurt!!!" Yusuke said as Saito drew his sword and smashed Kuwabara in the side of the head with the flat side of the blade. Kuwabara spun around a couple times, fell agaisnt the elastic ropes and bounced backwards, landing on his back with swirls for eyes and stars spinning over his head. Saito sheathed his sword.  
  
"He lost," Saito said to Yusuke as he climbed back into the ring to start the countdown.  
  
"I wouldn't doubt it, but rules are rules. One! Two!" As Yusuke counted, Hiei, Kurama, who had decided to be Hiei's coach, and Shadow watched from the doorway of the waiting room.  
  
"Typical," Shadow muttered.  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised if he's dead," Hiei muttered.  
  
"Maybe the force of that hit scrambled Kuwabara's brains," Kurama said, sounding hopeful.  
  
"What brains?" Shadow and Hiei said at the same time.  
  
"Hm. Good point."  
  
"Kuwabara has been down for well over the allowed time! Hajime Saito is the winner! Would somebody please remove this body? Is he even alive anymore?" Yusuke said, lifting his sunglasses to look at Kuwabara. Botan jumped into the ring and checked his pulse.  
  
"He's alive," she said.  
  
"Damn!" Hiei said, rather loudly. He realized he almost yelled it and put his hand over his mouth, looking around. Saito, who had been coming back to the waiting room, raised one eyebrow.  
  
"Not too fond of each other, I see," he said.  
  
"Fond? I hate him!" Hiei said, walking back into the waiting room.  
  
"He didn't seem very likable..." Saito muttered, watching Kuwabara get taken out on a stretcher with Botan walking beside him.  
  
"Five minute intermission between each battle!" Yusuke announced into the microphone. "But for your entertainment, here's some person who will put up with having things thrown at him!"  
  
A nobody-man walked into the ring and Yusuke ran off, sheilding his head with his arms as the man starting getting things thrown at him. Yusuke pushed the door open and walked into the waiting room.  
  
"Hey guys. The second battle is Legato Bluesummers versus Prince Vegeta. Would the two of you get ready?" Yusuke said. Vegeta stood up, glaring at Legato, who was sitting in the corner.  
  
"Please, it's not worth my time," Vegeta said. "This man has no power level, and he hasn't even moved since he got here. What kind of man do you think I am?"  
  
"Shut up, you lousy Hiei look-alike!!! You'll fight him and that's final! Just cuz he doesn't move doesn't mean he's not strong!" Yusuke snapped.  
  
"He has no power level!" Vegeta growled. "And who is Hiei? I don't look like anybody!"  
  
"Yes you do! You look like Hiei!" Yusuke said, pointing at Hiei. "Spikey black hair, nasty attitude, you're just like him!"  
  
"Shut up!" Hiei said. "I'm nothing like that dolt! He's weak!"  
  
"FIVE MINUTE INTERMISSION IS OVER!" Yusuke yelled. "Git yer asses out there, you two!"  
  
Vegeta and Legato followed Yusuke out to the ring and prepared to start.  
  
*Note from author: Hope you like it. Each battle will be a chapter, plus what happens between the battle. Don't worry, it won't take me long to update this one, I'm almost done with the second chapter already.* 


	2. End Round One

"Begin!" Yusuke said once they were all in the ring.  
  
"Hey, you loser! You stupid, silent, screwed up man!" Vegeta yelled.  
  
Legato stared. "I don't have time for you," he said in that emotionless voice. "I've got a world to conquer and a humanoid typhoon to drive insane."  
  
Vegeta's limbs all bent in every direction and pretty soon there was a Saiyan pretzel in Vegeta's corner.  
  
"Well that one was short!" Yusuke said. "Legato wins!"  
  
"You... are not... winner..." Vegeta said, twitching. Legato walked over and kicked him in the head.  
  
"Well, that's final," Yusuke said when Vegeta passed out. Legato walked out of the ring and back into the waiting room. "Since that one only last twenty seconds, the next fight will begin immediately! Would Domon Kashu and Hiei Jaganshi come to ring please! Bring your coaches if you want people in the corners yelling at you!"  
  
"You might as well come. You'll get a better view, anyway. Just don't distract me," Hiei said, directing that more towards Shadow as he walked toward the ring. Kurama and Shadow tagged behind him. Domon followed with Rain.  
  
"Okay, people of the audience! The final match of the first round begins in like, two seconds! The competitors are Hiei Jaganshi," Yusuke said, pointing at Hiei, "and Domon Kashu!" Yusuke pointed to Domon. "Ready? Begin your insults!" Yusuke jumped out of the ring.  
  
"Hey, Jaganshi! I don't know you, but it's just fair to warn you I'm the best Gundam pilot around!" Domon said, pointing at Hiei.  
  
"Yes, well I don't pilot Gundams, but I'm sure I'd be better than you," Hiei said dryly.  
  
"Yeah right, you lousy short loser! What are some of your best accomplishments?! I've won almost every single fight I've been in!!!"  
  
"I have won every single fight I've been in, except one," Hiei said. "And that was by accident to this twit here." He pointed at Kurama.  
  
"You lost to a girl!?" Domon asked, laughing.  
  
"What?! No, the redhead, you idiot! Not Shadow!"  
  
"That's what I meant! They're girls, aren't they?" Domon said.  
  
"I'M NOT A GIRL I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW!!!" Kurama yelled angrily. "Hiei, beat him up for me."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, like you need to tell me that..."  
  
"How many people have you killed, Hiei Jaganshi?" Domon asked.  
  
"I lost count."  
  
"Loser. The best kind of fighter is one who can win without killing," Domon answered.  
  
"Oh, are you the honor code type?" Hiei asked, disgusted. "You remind me too much of Kuwabara. Your IQ's are about the same too..."  
  
"Kuwabara... Is that the guy who fought earlier and lost in one blow?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"I'M NOTHING LIKE THAT LOSER!!!"  
  
"Right. Let's fight. Insults are just a waste of time," Hiei said. He reached back and grabbed the hilt of his katana, which he had strapped to his back today.  
  
"Okay," Domon agreed, drawing his sword. "PREPARE TO MEET MY WRATH!!!"  
  
"Riiiiiiiight," Hiei said. "I'll allow you the first attack."  
  
"You're asking for it," Domon said. He charged toward Hiei and swung his sword down. Hiei blocked with his katana and their blades locked together. Domon and Hiei were glaring at each other. Hiei was silent. His teeth were clenched, but, unlike Domon, he wasn't groaning and moaning and yelling and screaming and making those horrible sound effects. Suddenly, Hiei got a dark purple aura and sent Domon flying backwards into the ropes. The Gundam fighter fell flat on his face and laid there for a count of 6 before he started getting up. It was 9 before he was completely on his feet and ready to fight Hiei more.  
  
"Idiot. You can't beat me that easily," Domon growled.  
  
"Ha! You're weak." Hiei charged this time, leapt into the air and brought his sword down at Domon's head. Domon managed to block in time. Hiei managed to stay floating in the air for a minute before he kicked Domon in the face and put a deep slice across his chest.  
  
"Domon!" Rain cried, seeing Domon flat on his face with blood seeping out from under him. Yusuke started the ten count. Domon was out cold for over ten counts. Some paramedics came in and carried him out on a stretcher.  
  
"Hiei, you didn't kill him did you?!" Kurama asked as Hiei jumped out of the ring.  
  
"Of course not. I injured him," Hiei said arrogantly, as if it's obvious he wouldn't kill.  
  
"Go Hiei! You showed that lousy arrogant loser!" Shadow said happily. "And he didn't even hit you once!"  
  
Hiei gave her a strange look that she couldn't quite interpret. Back in the ring, Yusuke was announcing that there would be a slight delay in the next round due to the fact that there were three competitors and they needed four to have two even matches. Hiei, Shadow, and Kurama made their way back to the waiting room. Just as they closed the door, Yusuke came flying in.  
  
"Guys, we got a problem!!!" Yusuke said, almost knocking Shadow over.  
  
"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, HOT SHOT!" she screamed into the microphone, broadcasting it over the whole stadium. Yusuke looked at her, pulling his sunglasses down his nose to look at her in proper colors instead of darkened.  
  
"Turn the mike off, Yusuke," Hiei suggested dryly.  
  
"Right!" Yusuke pressed the switch and the mike went dead.  
  
"Now what's your problem?"  
  
"Our problem, Hiei. See, Legato, Saito, and you are not enough to have even one-on-one battles. The rules state that there cannot be group battles. We need a fourth fighter or we'll have to have one fighter have two battles in a row. But that's against the rules. We need a fourth fighter!" Yusuke said. "You shouldn't have scared everyone away!"  
  
"I didn't do it!" Hiei said. "That freak Legato did!"  
  
"Well who says I was talking to you?"  
  
"You were looking straight at me, Yusuke. You usually look at who you're talking to."  
  
"Oh, yeah. Well so?" Yusuke said. He turned to Legato. "You silvery-blue haired freak! You scared them away! You broke their arms! You scared them away!"  
  
"They were simply cowards," Legato said, slightly amused. "I didn't think there was much point in having such weak things here. I spared the strongest."  
  
"You spared Kuwabara," Hiei said. "I think your idea of strong is scrambled a bit."  
  
"I spared you as well, Hiei. Does that mean I'm still... scrambled?" Legato asked. Hiei looked away, aware that Legato had made a good point and quite annoyed about it.  
  
"Anyway, if you guys don't come up with a fourth fighter soon, we're doomed!" Yusuke said. "Kurama, can you fight?! I mean, you can fight, can't you?!"  
  
"Do I have the arrogant attitude that is required for this?" Kurama asked.  
  
"No..." Yusuke said miserably.  
  
"Wait. I know someone who can. But that might not---" Kurama said, but Yusuke interrupted.  
  
"Who? You're a lifesaver! No, not the candy. But anyway, who is it?! Go get him!" Yusuke said, jumping around like a caged monkey.  
  
"Like I was saying, it might not be wise. Youko can be quite... violent..." Kurama said.  
  
"Youko?! You can't have Youko fight! Youko will kill whoever he fights!" Hiei said.  
  
"Well as long as he doesn't have to fight you, it's okay. Besides, it'll just be one round," Kurama said, shrugging.  
  
"Oh, good, whatever! Just so long as we can continue the competition!" Yusuke said. "I'll go tell the audience." He ran out and jumped into the ring. "Hey everybody! We can continue! We've got somebody to fight for one round, just to even up the competitors! Would Legato Bluesummers and Youko Kurama please report to the ring now so we can continue our battles!" 


	3. Youko vs Legato and how to make Shadow m...

The crowd turned to watch as Legato walked out first. Following him a second later came Youko Kurama. He stood out in complete contrast to the two who followed. Youko was wearing the usual white outfit. His long silver hair and tail blew slightly in a light breeze that he actually seemed to cause. Hiei and Shadow followed at a safe distance, wearing pure black. Like I said, complete contrast.  
  
"Okay guys, here they are! Legato Bluesummers and Youko Kurama! Now when--- er... if Youko wins this match, he won't continue on. He's just a substitute. If Legato wins, I guess we'll just have to draw straws or play jenkin or something to see who the final match will be between," Yusuke said. "Begin!" He jumped out of the ring and walked over to Hiei and Shadow.  
  
"Hi Yusuke!" Shadow said.  
  
"Are you sure this is smart? Now that I think of it, once somebody wins this match we'll still have three fighters, leading to an uneven match-up," Yusuke said.  
  
"Of course it's smart. Kurama thought of it," Shadow said.  
  
"Hn. If Youko doesn't win, I'll fight both of them," Hiei said, shrugging.  
  
"That's against the rules," Yusuke reminded him.  
  
"Screw the rules!"  
  
"No thanks..." Yusuke said, looking at Hiei like he was insane.  
  
"Shut up and watch the fight, people," Shadow said. "Aren't you supposed to be announcing, Yusuke?"  
  
"You said you were my co-announcer! Why don't you announce?"  
  
"Shut up and watch!!!" Hiei said, annoyed.  
  
"Right!" Shadow said, looking at the ring. Youko had one of his killer plants out. Legato was on his knees, holding his head and screaming. Suddenly, Youko stopped and recalled his plant. The tree shrunk and vanished. Legato collapsed.  
  
"What was that?" Shadow asked.  
  
"That plant he had. It makes people hallucinate and have horrible images. They eventually lose their mind and die," Hiei said dryly. Yusuke had counted to 8 before Legato was up. The man glared at Youko, trying to bend his limbs around and break a few bones. Youko glared back and charged at Legato so fast he seemed to vanish to normal human eyes. Hiei and Yusuke could follow him, Shadow saw a blur in the shape of Youko, but she couldn't tell anything much else.  
  
"Agh!" Yusuke said, looking disgusted.  
  
Youko had somehow slashed Legato straight across his chest and straight down the middle of his face down to his waist. The guy was covered in blood and his guts might as well have been hanging out of him. He collapsed.  
  
"That was gory, bloody, disgusting, and... I can't think of any other adjectives that mean the same thing!" Yusuke said, jumping into the ring. He counted to ten, keeping one eye on Youko to make sure he didn't explode on the crowd, who were screaming and being extremely loud, especially to the fox. "Legato loses horribley!!! Would the medics please come take this... body... away and somebody please clean the ring."  
  
Youko jumped out of the ring and landed gracefully beside Hiei.  
  
"Did you really have to make it that bloody, Youko?"  
  
"Why? Did it disgust you?" Youko asked, looking down at Hiei. "Your fight was almost that bad."  
  
"No, I just... I don't know. Never mind," Hiei said. He sulked away.  
  
"So when are you gonna let Shuuichi Kurama come back out, huh tough guy?" Shadow asked. Youko looked at her like an inferior nothing and followed Hiei back to the waiting room. Shadow glared at his back.  
  
"Fine, you just go ahead and walk away! Ignore me! You're too arrogant! At least Hiei acknowledges my existance! You're just too high and mighty for me, huh?" Shadow said, crossing her arms and glaring.  
  
"Shadow!" Yusuke said under his breath. "Don't say that!"  
  
Youko glared over his shoulder at Shadow.  
  
"Believe me, Shadow. You don't want me to pay attention to you, because let me tell you, if you got my any attention from me, it would probably just be while I was slitting your throat," Youko growled. He kept walking.  
  
Shadow stared at him, her eyes wide, until he was out of sight.  
  
"Not a very pleasant fellow, that he's not," somebody said. Shadow looked over and saw Kenshin beside her, watching Youko enter the waiting room.  
  
"What're you doing here?" Shadow asked.  
  
Kenshin shrugged. "I don't know, that I don't."  
  
"What do you talk like that?"  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"How you talk! Why do you talk like that?" Shadow asked.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about, Shadow, that I don't," Kenshin said.  
  
"THERE, LIKE THAT!!! And how do you know my name?"  
  
Kenshin shrugged again and walked away. Shadow stared at him and shrugged, walking into the waiting room and hoping Youko was Shuuichi again. He wasn't. She made a point of having Hiei between her and the spirit fox at all times.  
  
"The next match will see Hiei Jaganshi facing off against Hajime Saito! This is the final match everyone! Give us a few minutes and I'll have the fighters out here, ready to get bloody!" Yusuke said. He jumped over the ropes and walked toward the waiting room.  
  
When he pushed the door open, he found Hiei and Saito glaring at each other, and Youko glaring at Shadow, who looked freaked out and was backing away oh-so-slowly.  
  
"No fighting in the waiting room. Youko, you better not kill Shadow, cuz then Hiei will be mad, because those two are in deep love even though they don't show it," Yusuke said.  
  
"I DON'T LOVE HIM!!!" Shadow screamed, throwing a rock at Yusuke's head. "WHAT THE HELL GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?!"  
  
"You live in the same house, have the same last name, have the almsot exactly the same clothes, same color eyes, same hair color, you both like abusing small children, and you both hate Kuwabara," Yusuke said, counting off on his fingers. By the time he was done, Shadow had steam rising off her, and several of the audience members had spontaniously combusted, thanks to Hiei.  
  
"I DON'T LOVE HIEI! HE'S A LOSER! HE'S FREAKY LITTLE DEMON WHO GOES AROUND SETTING MY HOUSE ON FIRE, SETTING MY PROPERTY ON FIRE, AND GENERALLY MESSING UP MY LIFE!!!" Shadow screamed, her head inflating to twice her body size, making even Youko flinch. Yusuke fell over backwards. Hiei, who had been closest to her when she screamed, mumbled something about being deaf. Saito, sitting in the corner, stared at her like she was insane. Kenshin stepped forward.  
  
"You know, when you feel that strongly about something like that, it makes people quite suspicious, that it does," Kenshin said.  
  
"Suspicious?"  
  
"Yes. When you act with such... emotion over one little thing like that, people will start being almost positive that you love him, and no matter what you say you won't change their minds," Kenshin said. Shadow had steam pouring out of every pore in her body. Hiei had his eyes closed and his teeth clenched, but he didn't react like Shadow. Here's how Shadow reacted: She walked straight past Hiei, Youko, Yusuke, and Saito, got right in Kenshin's face, and screamed, "I HATE YOU!!!" Then proceeded to strangle him. It took both Yusuke and Saito to drag her off Kenshin. Youko and Hiei were to startled to help.  
  
"How are you still alive?" Youko asked. Hiei stared at Shadow with a look of complete amazement on his face.  
  
"I have no idea," Hiei said. "I guess because I never accused her of loving me."  
  
"Well take some advice: Don't," Youko said.  
  
"I know."  
  
"KENSHIN HIMURA, YOU LOUSY RED-HEADED SCAR-FACED LOSER!!! YOU WILL DIE!!!" Shadow screamed, thrashing wildly to get away from Saito, who now had her pinned to the ground with her arms twisted up behind her back.  
  
"Eh... heh... Well, five minutes is up, but I'm kind of afraid to start the next match. It's Saito versus Hiei, but Saito is currently... occupied," Yusuke said. He had run out of the waiting room as soon as Saito had Shadow pinned, and also because the crowd sounded like it would kill something soon if he didn't get out there.  
  
"OCCUPIED! WHAT'S HE DOING? GETTING A MANICURE?!" somebody in the audience screamed.  
  
"YEAH, SISSY POLICE OFFICER!!!" somebody else agreed. Yusuke looked around, feeling even more hated then he had when the whole crowd was screaming 'kill Yusuke' at the Dark Tournament.  
  
"He's on... er... police business. You know, keeping the insane lunatics from murdering people?" Yusuke said. Somebody threw something at him and it splattered nearby. "HEY, YOU KEEP THROWING THAT CRAP AND I'LL CANCEL THE ENTIRE COMPETITION!!!"  
  
The crowd went silent instantly.  
  
"Good. Now, Hiei and Saito, if you're able, please report to the ring."  
  
A minute later, Saito walked out with Kenshin behind him, looking fairly calm considering he had almost been strangled to death by a teenage girl. Hiei followed with Youko behind him. Shadow came after with her hands tied behind her back to keep her from doing any more strangling.  
  
"Oh, good. Now we can begin the final match of the Ego Battles!" Yusuke announced happily. 


	4. Final Battle and how to embarrass Hiei

Hiei and Saito stood in their corners, preparing to fight. Not that there was much preparation. They were standing there, staring at each other. I guess having a stare-down was their equivalent of insults, or maybe they were using telepathy or something, but neither of them said anything.  
  
"Hey, you can start now," Yusuke said, sounding slightly annoyed. Actually, he sounded very annoyed to everyone who hadn't heard how annoyed Shadow had sounded moments earlier when Saito had had her pinned to the ground with her arms behind her back.  
  
Speaking of Shadow, she was glaring at Kenshin with obvious violent thoughts in her mind. Youko saw this and smiled to himself, having his own evil plans forming in his head, but that's where they stayed, because before he could do anything Hiei and Saito charged.  
  
"Wow, people, this is great! The two most arrogant fighters, punching each others lights out so fast that you normal, weak people probably can't even see them!" Yusuke said.  
  
There was a loud crack, the sound of metal hitting metal, and both fighters finally stopped (or appeared, if you couldn't see them). They stood there with their blades locked, both of them trying to push the other one away. Hiei had been the one blocking. Saito had tried to bring his blade down on Hiei's head, and Hiei had blocked it, and that's how they stood now. They simultaneously jumped back, neither of them breathing very hard. Saito took his stance for his trademark attack [sorry, the name is like... somewhere in my head, just not where it should be]. Hiei was calm, preparing to dodge or counter or whatever he needed to do.  
  
Saito charged. Hiei vanished. Saito looked around for a second before he spun around and blocked, just as Hiei's katana was inches from his neck.  
  
"You almost got me that time," Saito said, keeping Hiei's blade where it was.  
  
"There'll be no 'almost' next time," Hiei promised. He jumped back ten feet and landed gracefully on one of the corner poles. 'I shouldn't use my flames on a mere human,' he thought. 'It'd be unfair.'  
  
'Who cares about fairness?' Youko asked suddenly by telepathy.  
  
'Hey! You stupid fox! Get out of my head!'  
  
'You're taking too long to beat him.'  
  
'Shut up. Don't tell me how to fight.'  
  
"Are you going to fight or stare?" Saito asked suddenly.  
  
"Fight," Hiei answered. He sheathed his sword and leaped into the air. Saito watched Hiei hang there for a second before he vanished, shooting down like a bullet, fist pulled back, ready to send Saito's head flying off his neck with one hit.  
  
When Hiei hit, Saito turned with the blow to lessen the pain, but it still sent him flying. Hiei wasted no time in darting after the man. Before Hiei could hit him again, Saito gained control of himself and slammed one hand into the floor, stopping his upper half and sending him into a flip, which he managed to pull off and land safely. Hiei stopped dead before he got too close.  
  
"Well, you're better than I thought," Hiei said. "Lousy police officer," he added under his breath.  
  
"I'm not losing to a half-pint like you," Saito said. Hiei rolled his eyes.  
  
"We'll see about that," Hiei muttered. They charged again, going into an insanely fast punching-frenzy again, so that the audience had no idea what was going on. Yusuke, Youko, and Kenshin could follow almost every move, and Shadow could see some blurs that she could tell apart from each other. Everybody else was getting annoyed because they couldn't even tell what was going on, except that there were blinding flashes when the lights hit the fighters' now-drawn swords.  
  
After ten minutes of this, the two fighters finally stopped and jumped back from each other, positioning themselves 15 feet apart. Everybody took this time to look at their injuries.  
  
Both of them were breathing hard, holding their sword in their right hand, and glaring at their opponent. They seemed to have reached an agreement, although they hadn't said anything to each other, to stand and catch their breath for a few minutes.  
  
Saito had several rips in his shirt, some bloodstains, a black eye, several bruises and a couple cuts on his face, which were oozing blood rather quickly. A cut above his eye left a trickle of blood coming down to his eye and possibly into it, because he kept wiping his sleeve across his eye.  
  
Hiei had a thin slice across his shoulder, which had cut clear through his shirt, leaving it practically hanging off on that side. He had a couple cuts on his face as well, several on his bare arms, and a good number of bruises all over. He also had a cut on his forehead, which had sliced through the bandana he kept of his Jagan, leaving it visible. Hiei kept it closed, though, to prevent Saito from seeing it as a weakness.  
  
Shadow sighed. Hiei only had a shirt covering half his chest. 'That stupid boy is always losing his shirt. He might as well not even wear one to start with,' she thought, annoyed. She turned to Youko.  
  
"Could you cut these ropes off, please?" she asked, looking up at him with puppy eyes.  
  
"Puppy dog eyes don't work on me, and neither does any other method of begging."  
  
"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you have any reason not to?"  
  
"Because you want me to."  
  
"Damn fox," Shadow muttered under her breath. "Useless, stupid, arrogant, worthless, lazy, retarded, stupid, damn fox." She walked away, muttering angry words about Youko. She found a suitable sharp edge and started rubbing the ropes against it.  
  
Meanwhile, Yusuke was getting annoyed with the fighters' stillness.  
  
"Fight already, would you?!" Yusuke said. "We've got a trophy to give out and we don't want to keep it for eight billion years while you guys sit around staring at each other!"  
  
"Shut up, boy!" Saito snapped, pointing his sword at Yusuke.  
  
"Right!" He shut up after that.  
  
"Should we start?" Saito asked Hiei. The demon shrugged.  
  
"Might as well. We haven't got anything better to do."  
  
Saito and Hiei took up a fighting stance, then leapt at each other, colliding mid-air with their blades in front of them. They went into an insane and vicious battle after that, during which Hiei ended up getting his shirt completely ripped off. A thought went through his mind when he felt the shirt rip that distracted him long enough for Saito to knock him back against one of the corner poles.  
  
It took only until the count of 2 for Hiei to get up. He started walking toward Saito angrily, cursing himself for caring that his shirt got ripped off. He was about to attack when he heard Shadow.  
  
"Hey Hiei!" she yelled, running up to the ring. She was waving around something that was black. She threw it at Hiei and he caught it, discovering that it was actually a light jacket. He looked at Shadow, annoyed. "I'm sick of you never having a shirt on!"  
  
Hiei rolled his eyes. "What does it matter? This'll probably be shredded too!"  
  
"So!?"  
  
Hiei sighed, but he pulled the jacket on anyway.  
  
"Looks like you got a little guardian there, Hiei," Saito said, amused.  
  
"Shut up." That's the thought that had distracted him when his shirt tore. 'Damn, Shadow's gonna complain like hell now. I'll never hear the end of it!'  
  
The two fighters went into another violent, invisible, speed fight. This time it lasted for a long time, until suddenly there seemed to be an explosion, and both fighters were sent backwards into the corner poles. They both collapsed. Yusuke started the countdown.  
  
"One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! ... They're not moving... Seven! ... Somebody better move soon... Eight! ... Hello? Hiei? Get up, Hiei, you stupid demon boy! Nine! Saito! Hey, you're a police officer, you should be able to get up after that! ... Hello?!" Yusuke looked between the two fighters, who were flat on their faces. Hiei's hand twitched slightly. "Ten! Since neither got up, and Hiei moved before I said ten, Hiei's the winner! Congratulations!"  
  
Hiei twitched again, then rolled over, looking up at Yusuke's smiling face. He closed his eyes. 'God, damn happy people...' He was relaxing for a second before suddenly somebody came flying at him, screaming.  
  
"HIEI, GET UP! YOU WON! AREN'T YOU EXCITED? ARE YOU ALIVE?! YOU ON! YOU WON, YOU WON, YOU WON!!!" Shadow paused. "Are you okay? Cuz if you're not, I'll have to carry you out of here like a baby."  
  
Hiei's eyes snapped open instantly at that comment and he struggled to get up. Shadow grabbed his arm and yanked him into a sitting position, so hard his shoulder popped.  
  
"Owie..." He muttered, rubbing his shoulder. "I'm okay. Even if I wasn't, I wouldn't dare go through the humiliation of having somebody carry me out of here, especially a girl somebody."  
  
"What's wrong with girls!?"  
  
Yusuke and Youko were watching from a short distance away, looking slightly confused. Kenshin was watching, hoping that some little thing would slip up and they would say something about loving each other so he could go up and get in Shadow's face with "I told you so"s. Unfortunately for him, that didn't happen. However...  
  
"Nothing's wrong with girls. Just that it would ruin my pride to have a girl carrying me around," Hiei said, looking at Shadow. He saw something in her eyes that he didn't like, and a second too late, he understood. "No!" he said, staring at Shadow with horror in his eyes and waving his hands in her face. She smiled evilly.  
  
"Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes," Shadow said, grinning. She grabbed Hiei's arm and put it around her shoulders, then put one arm under his back and the other under his legs at his knees. She lifted him up and somehow climbed out of the ring with him in her arms, laughing evilly at the look of horror on his face.  
  
Youko and Yusuke looked at each other with identical looks of surprise and amusement before Yusuke burst out laughing. Youko couldn't help it. He started laughing too, so hard his eyes started watering and he had to sit down before he fell.  
  
Needless to say, everybody else was staring Shadow and Hiei. Shadow was laughing so hard she could barely hold Hiei, who was nearly crying because he was so embarrassed. His cheeks and ears were bright red and burning hot, and he was covering his face, as if that would somehow keep people from seeing him. Once Shadow got inside the waiting room, she let Hiei down, and his first reaction was to explode. About ten more people in the audience spontaneously combusted. Several things in the waiting room burst into flames.  
  
Hiei was blushing like crazy. "That was the most embarrassing thing in my life! Including every other embarrassing thing you've done around me, that topped them all off! How could you do that to me?! That was horribly evil! I can't believe you did that! How could you do that?!" His voice was strangely high-pitched. "I'm gonna hate you for eternity!"  
  
"People who hate me can't live in my house," Shadow said. Hiei's jaw dropped.  
  
"You'd just throw me out like that?"  
  
"And I'd keep all your stuff, too."  
  
"Ah! You can't do that!"  
  
"Do you hate me?"  
  
"I'm pretty pissed off right about now!"  
  
"That's not hate."  
  
Hiei muttered something under his breath, looking away. His ears and cheeks had started turning back to normal skin color. Somehow during all that, his Jagan had opened. Shadow pointed at it.  
  
"You should cover that."  
  
"Whatever..." Hiei muttered, pulling a white strip of fabric out of his pocket and carefully placing it over his Jagan. He was finally calmed down when Yusuke recovered from laughing and called him to the ring.  
  
"Hiei, if you're not in the middle of a bloody murder, please come to the ring. If you must, have Shadow carry you, but please come. You need your trophy," Yusuke said. "And I hope Shadow's still alive."  
  
Hiei glared at the door of the waiting room, annoyed at Yusuke's stupid jokes. The second he stepped out of the waiting room the crowd burst out laughing. When Shadow followed him, they laughed even harder. Twenty of them burst into flames where they sat. Hiei suddenly got an aura of flames around him, triggered by his anger. He looked up and saw Youko with a strange smile on his face and streaks on his face where tears had been.  
  
"Okay, it seems Hiei is okay now, but as you see, Shadow is right behind him to carry him incase he falls," Yusuke said. Hiei growled and leaped into the ring.  
  
"No. Stupid. Jokes," Hiei said coldly.  
  
"I'm sorry Hiei. It was just so funny to see you carried by a girl," Yusuke said, his voice rising. He tried to hide a smile, but he couldn't and burst out laughing again. Hiei glared, deciding he was sick of Yusuke, and grabbed the trophy and microphone out of Yusuke's hands.  
  
"I win. I get the trophy. My pride has been mangled by this girl. I'm going home," Hiei said into the mike. He threw the microphone at Yusuke, hitting him squarely in the head, then he carried the trophy away. Shadow tagged along after him.  
  
"I don't see why you had to do that. Now every time anybody sees us together they'll laugh," Hiei muttered.  
  
"Oh come on, you need to be laughed at once in a while!" Shadow said. Hiei got a look of fury on his face and before Shadow could do anything, Hiei had kicked her in the shin. She hopped halfway home holding her shin with Hiei laughing at her the whole time.  
  
Back at the competition arena place...  
  
"Everybody, the competition is over. We may have another one sometime, but that all depends on how much money you people are willing to fork over! Buy the autographed photos! Buy the photos taken during the competition! Buy the little plushies that look somewhat like the fighters but not really! And action figures! Oh look! We can have an auction right now!" Yusuke picked up something off the floor, which some people recognized as the shirt Hiei had been wearing. "Who will give me some money for this shirt?! It's the one Hiei was wearing! All you Hiei worshippers, bid money now!"  
  
Kuwabara, who had recovered from a concussion, was now watching in horror as people showered Yusuke with money to buy the shredded shirt. The idiot climbed into the ring and stole the microphone out of Yusuke's hand.  
  
"What's so great about a few shreds of fabric?! So what if they used to be a shirt and Hiei used to be wearing that shirt?! It's some shreds of fabric! Here, I'll rip up my shirt and get rich from it!!!" Kuwabara screamed. He ripped off his shirt and shredded it and started waving it around. "People, look at me! You can buy the shirt I was wearing that's now just some shredded fabric! But I wore it! Look, don't you want the shirt that I wore? I'm much better that stupid half-pint shrimp! I've got muscles!"  
  
The audience was dead silent.  
  
"Shut up, Kuwabara! I've got a chance to make tons of money from some Hiei worshippers! Get lost!" Yusuke hissed. "Haven't you ever heard of fanatics?"  
  
"Fanatics are stupid. It's just some shreds of fabric..." Kuwabara muttered, sulking away with his shreds of fabric dragging on the ground behind him.  
  
Yusuke continued his auction until he managed to get $300 out of somebody.  
  
Stupid drunk fanatics.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
What'd you think? Please review. Somebody who reviewed my first chapter told me I should have killed Kuwabara, but I prefer not to kill people from Yu Yu Hakusho... Maybe in some other fic... Anyway, keep checking back, cuz I have some more stories and ideas and junk and stuff, so I'll keep adding my stories here. While you're waiting, visit my website and sign the guest book. Look around and stuff. Thanks! 


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